I can't get quotes to work for me (so sorry if confusing):
"However, I know that I mean the world to my kids and my husband and that is what made me get clean in the long run."
I think that my family is the reason that I have abstained all these years. I see what fruit that has bore (or hasn't as the case may be). Maybe that's my trigger -- I don't know.
"Have you seriously thought about including anyone around you in your struggles? I know you said that you can not let anyone know what is going on but what if this is a vital part of you saving yourself?"
I wish I could express just how impossible this is. If it's a necessary part of saving me, then I'm doomed.
Also, have you seen a psychiatrist or anything like that? I am not saying you need to, I was just wondering because of the whole process in how you got caught up in these pills so fast and out of the blue sort of.
Years ago a psychiatrist, but I'm sure that it was the drinking that exacerbated emotions at that point. Always empty inside, always searching to fill it. I was "diagnosed" with schizophrenia... however, I only exhibited any symptoms while on meds for it (in hospital) and when I stopped the meds they went away. Oh.... when I stopped the meds the doc got ticked. I explained that I couldn't afford them. He asked how I expected to be able to afford him. Told him, "small payments." Last office visit. He said that there was no reason to come back.
Counseling a couple of times since. But, you know Madriley... they're always looking at their clocks (when they're not trying to get you to blame your parents). Doesn't work for me.
"Anyway, like many others have said, until you have resolved that you are done with the pills, you will be going back and forth between wanting to get clean and giving in to the drugs."
I want a magic wand. I'm afraid that I'm not done even though I want to be. I'm tired of going back and forth. So, if I'm tired of back and forth and I won't stop until I'm done. That means... I won't go there right now.
"We are here to support throughout the whole process if you are using or not,"
I'm going to sit here and cry in the library. Not good! I just came from the doctor, real visit. He's one who I love dearly. Operated on my youngest son and gave me his personal cell phone number to call because he was going out of town, made house calls for my mom when she was living with me (had a non-healing amputation). He left his script pad in with me. I didn't take one. I wanted to rip one off. He trusts me and, really, I have such affection for him. I know that I don't want for the day to come when that affection won't stop me.
Oh... and all the "blurbs" are my lifeline!