I read Codependent no more I guess I better read it again tonight...I was fine yesterday I just have to get through this. I know we deserve better and I know he is a loser and yet I still hang on to false hope-so stupid...I need to stop talking to him it is so hard sometimes. I have a job but no car after this week because the rental goes back and he ruined our credit so now I have to figure out transportation. If they don't let me sign a new loan which I don't see why they would.. I'm screwed...I guess I was desperate and thought he could save me that is codependent thinking and very embarrassing. I will enjoy my holiday with my family and my little girl who I love so much and I will make it the best first Christmas for her. I need to stop focusing on what cannot be and focus on what will. Choice by choice I can do this day by day. It is a struggle and I am grieving a loss but it is a loss that never existed and I have to accept that.