I have to agree with Anvilhead. It's easy to forget, especially in the midst of a not so nice divorce, which most are, that the soon to be ex-spouse has also been affected by the disease.
I recently felt caught in the middle of things in regards to my 13 year old granddaughter. Her stepmother, whom I care for dearly, had come to me for some emotional support, and then a few days later I get a phone call from my 30 year old AD trying to twist things around, and I completely stepped out of it.
I'm not the parent of that 13 year old girl, nor will I get caught up in the parenting issues.
As far as what you've heard via the grapevine? I've found that for me it works best to live in the moment, and not get caught up in crap circulating via rumor or people who think they are looking out for me by telling me 'things'. I don't need to borrow trouble that isn't even here yet.
As a grandmother myself and having experienced a lot of pain in seeing what my grandchildren have been through over the years, I have learned to focus on loving the living stuffing out of them on the occasions that I do see/have them, and praying for them when I don't!
