When my exH and I split it was a very tough transition. My boys were little, 3 and 7, and there was some acting out and sadness and all that you would expect.
I went to the library and got every book written about divorce & kids. It was actually reassuring because I saw that much of how this experience went for my kids was in my control. I could control my behavior and attitude toward ex. I could control my behavior and attitude toward my children. I could make our life warm, fun, smoothly organized and with a predictable daily routine etc. I could send my kids the very strong message that this was hard, yes, but it was NOT the worst thing that could happen to us. Because we still had the love of each other and life to live!
I first had to get grateful about all that we DID have.
My ex was too lazy to actively use the children and he does have some form of decency which I called on. But he was a person I could not be married to and can never rely on - and he lets the children down repeatedly to this day - so I always tell my kids - without bad-mouthing Dad, that I can see there are things with Dad that are hard to deal with and I am always here to talk about whatever they want to talk about. They've said things over the years- but I've also never blamed every glitch in their behavior on the divorce. My kids need to be themselves and make mistakes and take responsibility for their mistakes - not "blame" the divorce as an automatic response....
Anyway I've been divorced a long time- and yes that first year especially was a messy one emotionally - how could it NOT be? Just stay the course- have a little plan for yourself and every few days or months you will hopefully begin to appreciate the good life that you can make. I am grateful I got out at 7 years and hadn't allowed the unhealthy dynamic in my marriage to just crush me completely.
I also got myself into therapy - I found a low-cost clinic. That weekly meeting was a lifesaver and kept me on track.
Peace courage-
B.