winnie12

I'm sorry this is so long.
So there is a chance that the judge will let my 16 yo AS come home for Christmas (that part is good) but he will have to wait for a month until he will be readmitted to the rehab that he ran away from. If he screws up in that month he'll be gone. My son is convinced that if he gets out he can go stay at his dad's house and is furious at me for saying otherwise. He just wants to go there because he gets freedom. His dad has recently been released from jail himself for dui and lives with his girlfriend and her two kids (one of which is 15 and has a child herself). His dad called me drunk a few nights ago rambiling nonsense about getting him out and "fixing his problems myself." First we all know that you cant fix them, second how can an active addict even remotely help him.

Here's the facts that the court doesnt know all of yet:

1. Dad has a felony and has served prison time as well as multiple jail sentences for probation violation;
2. 3 DUIs in 5 years (but i think its 7 total)
3. Domestic violence record (one with me and one with another woman - i'm sure that in time the two would get violent with each other)
4. No job
5. No driver's license
6. Active alcoholic
7. He also has a record in florida that i dont know much about.
8. Buys him cigarettes - has in the past let him drink
9. Lets him hang out with kids and adults with records against probation.
10. Allows him to do things when he is on house arrest that he's not allowed to do. Tells me that no one will tell him what to do.
11. Says if kids uses he wont get him medical attention - he'll just take care of himself so that he doesnt get him in trouble with the law (this is insane because my kid needs medical attention - especially if drunk because of diabetes.)
12. Besides all of this the man abandoned this kid for 10 years, has never paid child support, has no parental rights not even visitation, and has no respect for my views or rules when it comes to my son, and takes him along to his friend's houses that i know use and deal. He takes him to bars and adult parties.

The only voice of reason is the girlfriend of dad. She is very much like me but we have to sneak around to talk because neither son nor dad likes us talking. She agrees that Dad is not competent to clean up his act enough to have this kid around and is agreeing to try to help me convince him otherwise. She suggested, and i agree, that we need to sit down together but I know dad wont go for that because he doesnt like the two of us together. I trust her but I dont trust him and they both lie to us and about us to manipulate us. They're afraid if we're together that all their secrets will be out (which they are they just dont know)

I'm trying to detach but I cant allow this to happen. If i spill the beans on dad the judge may not let him see dad at all which will just make things worse - then again it will be my fault and i'll be controlling things. I'm not trying to take away all contact - just give limited contact with dad.

So do I tell them? I explained to his gf that they need to stop this becuase if the judge looks into him too closely she is going to restrict all contact and i just dont like being put in the situation of having to be the nark. Besides all that my daughter is devestated that her brother doesnt want to come home and see her. My son has never known his dad but dad is easier on him so he is willing to abanon his real family for this man he doesnt really know. that's the part that hurts.

The other thing is that even if my son is living with his dad he will expect me to be supporting him because dad is incapable.