I started drinking with a glass of wine in mid afternoon and a specific goal: to relax and chill out so I wouldn't be inclined to fight and argue with the kids when they came home from high school. It worked, alright, but I started having another glass to further 'relax'. Didn't take long until I found myself drinking a bottle of wine a day, and not much longer til a bottle wasn't enough. Then I noticed I was waking up with extreme anxiety and couldn't even have my cup of coffee cause of the agitation.
My drinking career was short but intense. From March to December last year I went straight downhill. One year ago I admitted to myself and my family that I was an alcoholic and needed to stop drinking completely. But it took me from last December til mid July to actually stop for good. I tried to control my drinking but it was no use. I always ended up drinking the whole bottle and often more. Was told by daughter that I picked her up from school on several occasions obviously drunk. I always thought I was 'fine' to drive. But even with my own realization and the kids telling me of drunken stupid behavior, it took me many months to be able to stop.
I know now I can never take another drink, that one drink will always lead to more, and that I don't want to fall back into that self destructive pit of horrors. I am too afraid of what will happen if I start drinking again, that it would only be a matter of time til I had a wreck and hurt or killed myself, my kids, or an innocent stranger.
I often resent that I can't drink normally, but am too afraid of the results if I drink again. So I'm staying sober.