i know how you feel, i took my xah back after some horrible things he did, i guess i always had hope that he would change or get better, but all it did was get worse and worse, its a tough cycle to get out of because its so easy to fall for their charms and end up right back in the situation
i can only imagine what your going through as far as your kids go, my son is only 5 weeks old and only met his father twice, it has to be so hard to see your children hurt, that was one of the main reasons for cutting contact with my xah, cause one day my son will be old enough to understand what is going on
isnt it crazy how nasty they get with peeing in the bed, my xah woke up one night and walked to the window blinds and just started peeing in the floor, course he found it funny the next day, i think i would have killed him if he would have peed in the bed with me
i know its hard right now but kicking him out was probably the best thing you did, its tough, i wanted my xah gone so bad some times but when he would run off it drove me crazy, i developed selective memory and only remembered the good and totally forgot the bad until he came back and then it brought it all back, he never changed he only became worse, and if you take him back then thats probably what will happen , it will only get worse unless he makes the choice to get sober, my xah is in rehab but i still dont want anything to do with him, even if he becomes a saint i dont want him back in my life, ive been through enough and i refuse to let him hurt my son
all i can say is keep coming back and read those stickies at the top, they make alot of sense and really helped me