Hi All,
Let me first say this site is wonderful and though provoking. I have never felt so connected to so many people over one subject. It really is nice to know that you are not alone in what feels to be complete darkness and solitude.
I first started experimenting with Lortabs(Loris) about 5 years ago. I would take my friend to Kinkos to make fake Rx and then fill them. He would throw me a couple here and there and I would take them to chill or save them for stressful days at work( waiting tables at the time). They help to take the edge off and I would consuume no more than 10-12 a month at random times.
Once I moved from Miami back home to West Palm Beach I did not take them simply because there was no need or access. Life went on without a hitch. Then a close relative started giving them to me because he always had an abundance. Well a 10-12 a month intake gradually grew to 6-8 a day HABIT!!
I rapidly became an addiction. I knew I was in trouble when my supply would run out from the relative I would resort to a friend who sold them to me. Over what quickly became the next year I barely went more than a few hours without taking them. I knew I had to stop because I was now spending my bill and rent money to support my habit.
Rock bottom came when I found myself EVICTED from my apartment because I had fallen behind on my rent and could not catch up. Getting my Pills took precendece over having a place to live. I moved back home with the story that I had broken my lease to save money to buy a Condo. My immediately family knew I was evicted, but did not know the true reasons why.
I have been living at home for 9 months now and quite the pills for 2 months in April, but somehow found a reason to use again. On Friday, November 28, 2008. I made the decision that I must stop with the pills. My use was out of control and the money I was spending to keep my supply coming was taking a serious toll on my finances.
I took my last pill (LORI, Hydrocodone) 11/30/08 at 5:35 pm. I made the decision that would be it. Today I am at work. The withdrawls have not been that bad so far aside from the extremely uncomfortable muscle aches. I took Motrin today(fearfully), but it really help alleviate the pain.
I think my biggest fear in quitting is losing that false since of control and emotional comfort that made almost anything bearable. What I failed to realize is all the pain was still there is was just numbed. Now that the Haze of the past 2 years is starting to lift I feel like I can truely began to be connected to everyone and everything again. Sure everyday wont be easy, but atleast I would feel My Life again!!
All the feedback and support through this journey would be greatly appreciated
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I am happy to report that today makes day 12 of sobriety for me. I feel great and cannot imagine a future with pills again. This journey in no way has been easy, but the wonderful thing is that I know that I can manage these difficult times without the help of a substance and that is the most empowering part of it all.