bam....I'm so sorry you are in so much pain
I struggled and acted out what...tuesday was it??? You are alway welcome here and I think each of us wishes we could reach through the computer and hug the crap out of you.
Maybe you could pm DK and ask for some of his expereince on the system and getting some help with medication. It isn't a cure all, but can help and we will all be here with you as you journey through the process...Just a thought bam...
I celebrate a secular christmas too...we have a "buddha bush"
I always feel a little lonely at Christmas very much the way you described...
hugs and love to you bam