Hi Downtown and welcome!!!
You wrote my story in a nutshell! Always when I felt "good" and was "deserving" of that drink would I fall the hardest! (Although it wasn't limited to only feeling good when I'd drink)... Anyways, the whole job thing... I understand 100% and know that drinking is what screws things up and my jumping the gun all the time with work.
I can offer you some hope today.... You're at the beginning of a brand new life should you choose sobriety versus what you have been doing. Give yourself a 30 day commitment and see if you're life isn't truly changing for the better??!!!! Just a thought. There's mucho support here on this site as well as AA near and around where you live with no pressure to speak in their mtgs.
I wish you all the best and hope to see you on this site again, posting, reading and reaching!
Hugs,
Nicki
:ghug3