Hi,
I think it's a commitment you need to make to yourself to stop drinking, if you are addicted to alcohol. It is a huge commitment and it means changes in your life, but it's worth the effort that you will put into it. Addiction is a disease of guilt, shame and self-loathing. And, it can end up by a vicious cycle because it's so hard to deal with those emotions. Blacking out is a very scary thing and I'm glad you are here looking for support.