Originally Posted by
historyteach 
Welcome to the MH forums of SR, gantz!
Have you gone to meetings at all? Do you work a program? I ask because many say that alcoholism is a disease not just of the body but of the spirit. And working a program would address these issues that you abhore in yourself. Do you have a Higher Power? Are you in conscious contact with It?
And you may be suffering with PAWS - Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrom (PAWS)
And finally, you may have been self medicating a mental illness with your drinking. Of course, no one here is a doctor and only a doctor can diagnose. So, getting a good check up and talking openly with your doc is a good idea. Both depression and bipolar condition can manifest itself in rage. There are links on the top of the forum, in the research and information sticky, that may be helpful for you as you search for answers.
I hope this is helpful. Please continue to post and let us know how you're making out. We care.
Shalom!
Well I have a bit of a unique situation where I live in japan as an american expat. there is only 3 AA meetings a week here in a city that is about 45 minutes away by train. I went to one but could not connect as everyone there was about 20 years older than me.
Alcoholism isnt really considered a bad thing here in japan as drinking is extremely rampant. admitting you are an alcoholic could even be seen as weak or most times laughed at. Oddly the same goes for sleep disorders and other mental illnesses here.
I pretty much came to the realization myself that i was drinking far too much and vowed to stop 3 months ago and havent drank since.
I have been to psychologists in america and was never diagnosed with any mental illnesses. Once in a while I get a little craving for alcohol again but at this point it is pretty easy to block it out (compared to the first couple of weeks that I quit which was hell).
I will definitely check out more about PAWS as you mentioned. I would like to go to a psychologist here but sadly that is not something ever covered by japanese health insurance as mental illness is rarely recognized or considered a dirty secret. Not to mention finding a psychologist who speaks in my native language is nearly impossible.