Welcome to the MH forums of SR, gantz!
Have you gone to meetings at all? Do you work a program? I ask because many say that alcoholism is a disease not just of the body but of the spirit. And working a program would address these issues that you abhore in yourself. Do you have a Higher Power? Are you in conscious contact with It?
And you may be suffering with PAWS - Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.
PAWS is a set of impairments that occur immediately after withdrawal from alcohol or other substances. The condition lasts from six to eighteen months after the last use and is marked by a fluctuating but incrementally improving course. It has importance to the recovering addict's ability to benefit from recovery, treatment, function effectively on the job, interact with family and friends, and regain emotional health.
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrom (PAWS)
And finally, you may have been self medicating a mental illness with your drinking. Of course, no one here is a doctor and only a doctor can diagnose. So, getting a good check up and talking openly with your doc is a good idea. Both depression and bipolar condition can manifest itself in rage. There are links on the top of the forum, in the research and information sticky, that may be helpful for you as you search for answers.
I hope this is helpful. Please continue to post and let us know how you're making out. We care.
Shalom!