I cannot speak for your ABF, I can only tell you what it was like for me.
At 45 days, I felt like I was in a million pieces, trying to pull pieces out of the air and put them back on my body frame. My mind was MUSH, and I had emotions I could not even put a name to. I was introducing myself at meetings (seriously) as "Hi my name is Scattered and I am an alcoholic."
I didn't know what was real and what was fantasy. Certainly didn't know what I was feeling. Would sit with my sponsor and try and explain and she and/or her hubby would put a name to it, sadness, anger, etc
He is correct to a degree, as I have seen many relationships dissolve during the first year, even with the suggestion of "No major changes in ones life the first year." I have also seen many relationships make it through that first year.
This is a very confusing time for him and YOU. Therefore, instead of worrying about him and your possible continuation or ending of the relationship, how about you working on YOU. Go to Alanon, discovery YOURSELF. Discover what you LIKE about YOU and what you LOVE about YOU and what you DISLIKE about YOU.
Working on ones self is so rewarding. Allowed me to see why I made the choices I made, and not just in relationships. Allowed me to see what I needed to do for me, to change me into the person I wanted to be. It wasn't until I found me, and started to LIKE and LOVE me that I started attracting the people I was comfortable with.
I have found that people are attracted to our INSIDES not our OUTSIDES and thus when my own insides were calm, and that big hole in my gut was gone......................those people around me changed. I also found that I had been in love with the idea of love for so long, that I had to figure out what loving another really meant and was.
As said above, work on YOU. Be good to YOU. If this is meant to be further down the road it will, if not it won't.
J M H O
Love and hugs,