Not every love is meant to last forever.
He brought joy to your life for a time, he laughed with you and held you for a time.
Now perhaps that time is over.
It seems that continuing to be around him/talk to him is painful for you, now. You cry and doubt yourself.
Your involvement with this man keeps you from exploring yourself and the other loves that are possible for you.
And they are possible.
I know that it's hard.
Take care and hugs to you today.
-TC