Cause of it all.
I went to my counseling appointment this morning. Normally I go with my partner. Today it was just me.
My counselor was really happy/proud of the 3 days. Well, today is the 3rd day rrreally.
We discussed how anxiety and lack of self esteem is the root of it all. She also assured me it wasn't vanity that led me to this point, because that was sticking in my head people always say your so vain etc to think these things.
I know that I have two voices in my head (gee, that makes me sound crazy). I have one telling me I am boring worthless and ugly and that people don't want to be around me or engage in me.
And then I have one saying come on, your ok, you can do this.
My counselor said what would you think if I tell you, you are quiet attractive. I said I would think you are lying to me to try & get me to believe you, when your not really thinking that.
So obviously she told me I have a major problem trusting people, which I know.
She said what do you think you look like? I couldn't even answer my mind was totally numb and I just couldn't feel anything.
It's so stupid isn't it. Every time I go out I have to do myself up to the nines. Just because I am worried people think I am not good enough.
Anyway enough ranting for now. I know all the problems, just not how to fix them.