I haven't figured out how to quote, but I so identify with how you don't want to be around her, don't even like her, cry over her because of the relationship you wish you had. (paraphrased :0)
It's so hard when you don't have the family or relationships you know you deserve. The reality of "things are not going to change" feels a bit like a brick wall.
I'm not clear if you are really going to stay with a friend or if that's just your story. If it's just the story, then you should try to make it the reality. We should surround ourselves with people who begin to fill the voids.
Holidays are the hardest, take care of yourself! You should spend time with people you enjoy - don't get guilted into giving that up.