findingkermit

I made Hubby follow me to the loo (TMI I know lol), but that is our quiet place to talk when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I have cried so much this afternoon & evening since I've been on here, The advice, the support, my head spinning (again, there is so much info in there) is taking me to a place I don't want to be, but I almost know I must.

Pam, thankyou for understanding, I have tried, I try every day, I am not a stupid person, I know adiction, why it happens, when it happens, the options etc..... and have used it to the best of my ability (even used it to beat the drug addiction & stay clean from it for 12 odd years). The same way that I know heart conditions inside & out because my son died of one, and then my now miss 10 was born with several heart conditions, way worse than her brother, I made it my business to know everything, by knowing I helped keep her alive for 9 long years of heart surgeries, meds & heart failure (she is great now). Likewise I have made sure I know as much as I can possibly know about addiction.

Isn't it frustrating when you can fix almost everyone else but not yourself lol.

There is an AA here, but a very small town, with noseys on the corner talking behind their hands and gossiping, watching who comes and goes, they are horrid, I got as far as the corner on the first visit and saw & heard them and turned around and went home. I am hoping I might be able to get a phone sponsor? Our family has too much to lose if I come 'out' as an alcoholic right now, the children at school would be teased and Hubbies work would dry up, they are a sad lot around here.


nickishine, thankyou so much for sharing your story, and well done to you (and everyone else who has posted for me) Your are right with your concern, mine is the same, detox is dangerous when you drink as much and for as long as I have, I'm between a rock & a hard place that's for sure, and I really appreciate being able to come here and get some great advice, ideas and add them to my thinking.

You guys rock!!!!!!!