houston28

Hello everyone

I just joined the community today and wanted to share with you some issues dealing with my marriage. Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have been married for 8 years and I am the father of 3 beautiful girls aged 7,5, and 4. My basic problem is that I am not in love with my wife and I don't know if I ever was. Eight years ago when I was single and getting older, I really wanted to get married and start a family. For stupid reasons, my relationship went really too fast and she became pregnant after 6 months of dating. I was not sure where the relationship was heading and I had my doubts but I wanted to do the right thing so I married her.

Things were fine for the first few years. We had more kids but I never really felt happy or in love with my wife. I don't regret any of the past eight years because of the love I have for my 3 girls.

My wife's father passed away almost 2 years ago. He basically died because he was an alcoholic. I think one of the good things about our marriage was the fact that I really enjoyed my inlaws and my father in law was one of my best friends and I was deeply saddened when he passed. My wife has dealt with it by becoming an alcoholic herself, but she started drinking months before his death, but his death caused her to drink even more.

Things steadily worsened with her drinking until she finally agreed to go to rehab. She did about a two week rehab and has been home now for about 3 weeks. This past weekend I suspected her of having a relapse. I know the difference between when she is sober and drunk and her behavior was very consistent with her having been drinking. I then searched the garage and found 3 wine bottles in the trash. When I confronted her she said they were old and found them in the garage when getting the Christmas decorations out. She basically said she has not been drinking but I don't believe her because she has lied to me so many times. I don't drink at all btw.

This argument lead to me telling her how I feel even without the alcohol situation. I told her that I didn't love her as a woman but I do as the mother of our children and that I think we should separate. She feels I am not giving her a chance because she has only been home from rehab for a few weeks but I explained to her that I have had these feelings for a long time and I finally got the nerve to tell her today. She is shocked and hurt and says that I am just walking away from this marriage.

I always thought maybe having children meant having to sacrifice many things which is true but I am not so sure about having to sacrifice my happiness. When I am home I am so depressed that I kind of go into a hole and I am not the attentive father I should be. I mean I do the things that they need bathe, feed etc and make sure they are safe but I don't play with them as much as I should. I just think it is almost worse for them in this environment where their father is miserable. My big problem is that I cannot leave my home because I have to make sure my kids are safe because of my wife's drinking.

My wife is the primary care giver for the kids and I am the primary bread winner. I basically pay for everything except for the groceries. She has made it clear that she will not leave and I can't leave because of concern for the kids safety. She is a wonderful mom when she is sober but I can't trust that she will be sober for any extended period of time. I know I need to speak with a lawyer, but beyond that I have no idea what to do. I guess I have done the first step in letting her know how I feel. I hate conflict and confrontation but things are going to mighty rough and awkward living in the same house right now, but I'm not sure I have any other choice.

I would love to hear any of your thoughts or questions, so thanks in advance. Also, she suspects me of having met someone else but I promise I have not and am not looking for anything.