New to Site-Feeling Lost
Hello everyone,
I have been reading throught the threads and find that they are very helpful to me. I often find myself saying "I know what that is like".
I have been in a relationship with an A for just over 3 years. He always says he wants to sober and is usually working on this (somewhat). He goes for a month and falls, then it may be a few days, a week, month.
I always go back to the place that he says he hates drinking and wants to stop. But truthfully, I am either a rescuer or persecuter to him. When I say no, you can not stay if you are drinking. He says, he can't be threatened when he falls and makes me feel like the bad guy. But I really am starting to see how he turns it on me. When I have boundaries, he just does not accept them. And I don't stand firm and give in. Oh, okay try again. He lies on the couch and detoxes for a few days. He always has 10,000 reasons why he drinks again, I always tired, my past, just thought I could have one, etc..
But I feel it is enough now. His words sound good but that is all they are. He is not in AA, seeing a counsellor, nothing. He always says he will do it his way with meditation,etc. Which always sounds good, but looking at reality he doesn't have a hobby, he has an addiction. He needs help.
I have come to the point where I feel he needs long term help or I know he will never change. He still feels he can control it and I should not get upset if he falls. But he has fell over 50-60 times, and even if I don't say anything about his drinking, it always escalates and he is gone for days and usually starts using drugs.
He also tells me how he feels he will die if he continues to drink. Which I think is true, but I feel he tells me this to make sure I always rescue him.
My issue, I don't follow through, I always feel it will change. When I stick to my guns, he says "okay, I understand I will leave". Easy as that apparently. Which upsets more as I am so disposable. But he will usually phone or come by later when I do not contact him and say no he needs help and wants to quit.
I AM STUCK, BUT WANT TO MOVE OFF THIS ROLLER COASTER!
Please help