These memories are so difficult to deal with. I bury them only they resurface from time to time.
Memories of a drunken mother going outside and peeing in the middle of the yard. The neighbors were having a patio party with their friends and saw it all. They laughed and laughed.
Memories of a drunken mother getting up int he middle of the night and sitting on a chair and peeing all over it. The next day when I confronted her with the stinking chair, she refused to aknowledge it at all and insisted she did not do that!
Memories of whiskey being thrown in my face burning my eyes, then being pushed down the steps.
The worst memory of all. Being destitute with a little child. Living with her till I got on my feet. Being thrown out of the house baby and all one evening when she was drunk, and spending the entire night on a park bench with the child.
Having to give up the child at 2 years old because NO ONE would help me. I had no car, no money and no way to get to a job. It was horrid. I didn't know about welfare.
My memories of her make me hate her with all my heart. I despise her. My sister won't even talk to her after 10 years she hates her so much. She's been sober 30 years, and is a huge old timer in her AA group. Did she walk through the 9th step with her children? No! Why she acts as if nothing ever happened!
Oh well, I am venting here, but anyway, those are my memories. I don't like to dwell on them too long.
So, memories do not serve me well. I just keep plugging along with the 12 steps. I talk to my mom, but I no longer allow her to manipulate me in any way. If she doesn't like what I do or say, it's too bad!