I'm embarassed. I couldn't go. I sat in the parking lot for a whole hour. At first I didn't want to go in crying, and the more I sat there, the more I cried. I cried because I knew that there were people inside that could help me. I cried because I knew that those people, those strangers, would be nicer to me than the one person that I was there for. I cried because I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this is happening to me. Part of me was hoping that someone would see me and help me go inside. I do know that if I keep trying, even if I just sit in the parking lot and cry, that one day I will be ready to walk inside. That day just was not today.
I am going to see my dad on Friday, he is visiting my step-sister 2 hours away, still closer than Florida! His ex-wife was an alcoholic, and he had to hold an intervention for her. I am hoping that he can help me find the strength to walk in that door next time. My family has no clue about anything that has been going on, so I guess it's time to reach out.
I'm so embarassed.