jennygirl - I'm glad you found this forum. It's heartbreaking and the sadness and indecision makes us sick, all while we hope and pray for the other to "get it" or change.
You can only do what is best for you and your child, and if at this time it's to be away from him then that's okay.
I'm afraid I'm not good with helpful words, but many here are thank goodness. Just know that you are not alone in this, there are many of us living in the same situation, asking the same questions, feeling the same crushing sadness and hurt. If I could make yours go away I would, but I can't.
Here's a hug for you though:
:ghug3