jennygirl,
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this spot, but I'm glad you found us.
I'd encourage you to learn as much about alcoholism as you can - this forum has a ton of resources, as well as hundreds of wise people who've been through a lot and come through it just fine. One of the first things you'll learn is this: you didn't cause your husband's problem, you can't control it, you can't cure it. What you CAN do are take steps to stay sane, protect yourself from the madness, and try to rebuild your own life.
It sounds as though you rely on him for everything - child care so you can have friendships, financial support, sole source of companionship, etc. That's a lot riding on one person -- one person whose behavior you can't control. Is there any way you can slowly start to work on your self-sufficiency? If you weren't so dependent on him, I doubt this would be as devastating as it is for you, and you might be able to think more clearly about your options.
That's been my experience, anyway, having survived several relationships that involved addiction. With a clear head, a support network, and a working knowledge of all the faces of alcoholism, you won't feel lost any more. You can learn to set boundaries without getting angry (I have heard that ToughChoices gives classes in that
) and keep your sanity no matter what he decides to do.
Anyway, you're not lost, you're with us
Just one thing: I
wish I were a child of divorce. Instead, I'm a child of alcoholics. Keep in mind that even at three your daughter is learning how to be in a relationship, which right now means that moms & dads always fight, dads always get drunk and come home late, and moms always get mad and sad and it's normal to stay in that kind of situation. This is the pattern that will imprint on her, whether you want it to or not.
There are moms here who still co-parent their kids with a separated spouse, and they've found a lot of peace in that situation (I'm sure you'll hear from some of them tomorrow) So keep in mind that even the worst-case-scenario isn't the end of the world.
Stick around, read peoples' posts, check out the Stickie posts at the top of the forum. And keep posting-- we're listening.
Hugs,
GL