Cess you stay strong too. If you ever need to talk you can PM me.
Even if you do crash when he leaves that is normal. Allow yourself to grieve. Its ok to be sad about what could have been. Its ok to feel those feelings. I still have good and bad days and that will continue for quite some time. I dont expect anything anymore. It takes to much out of me to expect things. Just know that whatever happens you will be ok. You are strong you wouldnt be here if you werent. Take your time you will know when your ready. You just get to a place where you cant take it anymore.
I tried to look at it this way. I wasnt gonna stand by and enable him to continue to kill himself. Maybe by me kicking him out it got the ball rolling to save his life.