Bailyboop: As for me, I'm not putting my life on hold. I admit I was in the beginning but I also believed his lies about "working it out" You can't work anything out with an A who has a girlfriend before he's even out the door.
He is going to get tired of his life of drama and chaos someday (or God forbid he will die or kill someone drinking and driving) but I won't be around to see it. I always told myself I would support his recovery, should he choose it, but I don't have to be in a relationship with him to do that. I have lost all trust in him. He doesn't deserve my trust yet I still care about him as a person. Empathy or insanity. Either way it is what it is.
I am learning to be less hard on myself about it all. It has taken years and I still have a long way to go. it almost feels like he left a scar on my soul and I hope someday that it will fade away.
I think it is great that you can have dinner together and get along with each other. I could never do that.I can't even stand the thought of running into him at a store. We never had any kids because I chose not to. he claimed after he left that my "refusal" to have kids was one of the reasons he left. I knew having child with him would only be subjecting an innocent person to a life of hell and poverty. I think it is amazing that you can have him in your life like that.
We all just need to learn however we learn. Nothing and nobody can make it happen for us just like nothing or nobody can stop them from drinking.
Thanks for your stories. It helps to remember sometimes that these things were very real and that they do not have to be that way ever again.