It took me a few years to make the decision to divorce my ex. I had probably been unhappy the last 5 years, but yet did not do anything about it because we have two children. What I have found is we actually get along better since we are divorced and parent our kiddos better. When we were married, I was resentful of all the issues surrounding the alcoholism and constantly preapring myself for the next crisis-DWI's, wrecks, ect. Now I feel I can let him make those choices without it having the financial and legal backlash on me that it used to. When he comes to see the kids, we are able to have nice dinners, watch movies and whatever with no tension. It has helped the transition for our kiddos and has lifted a burden off of us as well.
But it took me YEARS to get the courage up to get to the point where I am today.
So you guys..quit being so hard on yourself. It isn't an easy decision by any means. I firmly believe that everyone gets to their point of action at the time they should and not a second before.
On another note, I do believe anyone CAN change when the person gets good and ready. I think the moral to story really is don't put your whole life on hold waiting for that moment or trying to make that moment happen faster. You just have to live and let live.