drshopperhelp

Hello this is my first time admitting that I have a problem, I am addicted to pain pills. It started out w/ a hysterectomy, the doc messed up and burned my ureter. After having painful surgeries to fix it, i was taking pain medicine daily for treatment. Then the doc sent me to a pain clinic to manage pain that I am told I will have the rest of my life. I have been going to a pain clinic for two years now this past August. Today I went for my normal visit where I would have received 120 Lortab 10's. I would take two to three at a time because I had become ammuned to the effects of them. Well I would run out after about two weeks or shorter some months. I have club feet, so I have a ortho doc, and he would give me 40 tabs of 5/500 tabs. That would not last me as long. So I would turn to my primary care doc, and receive Ultram to get me through. This month has been hard on me, we have lost our home, and I admit most of the time I was taking the meds to feel good, but also to feel normal physically. Without the pills I would begin getting w/ draws w/ in hours of taking my last dose. Well today when I went to the pain clinic he had a paper that showed my pattern of asking two other doctors for the same medicine. He told me he could no longer treat me, and I left his office, not knowing what to do next. I have been blacklisted, and cut off. All my doctors will receive letters of my drug seeking, and will now have a choice if they want to see me or not. I know what I was doing was wrong, but had no idea its illegal until looking on the internet. Well this is a definate wake up call for me. Please if any one knows what will happen to me now tell me? AM I going to jail? Will the police knock on my door? What should I do, I don't care about the pills anymore, just my freedom? I have never SOLD them, or committed prescription fraud. I know I am black listed now. Which is fine, I feel this is God sent, and saved my life. I hope none of you think badly of me... I have never been in trouble w/ the law, never even a speeding ticket. The story goes deeper though, my husband is not forgiving of this sort of thing. He will divorce me, and take my kids if he finds out. I want to get help and stop w/ out him knowing, is that possible? I have no one to turn to, and I don't want to feel the w/ draws. I feel confident, I will never touch them again... for fear of going through this again. I am so scared of my kids, husband finding out. I have read about suboxone clinics? does insurance pay, is it outpatient, and does it work? Please give me advice... I am very scared to loose everything that I hold dear. I know its my own fault, and I know I have done wrong, I am just so sorry and want to be forgiven and a chance to change. If your reading this and you are doctor shopping, STOP... they will find out, trust me. Insurance and Pharmacies talk... and they will tell the doctors you are seeing. Plus w/ all my reading, it is a felony.