HK - I'm not in the same sitch totally as you, but is it better for your ds to see his AF? I mean, I know he wants too, but would that leave him wanting more (your ds)? Would it be like adding fuel to the fire for his wanting to see his dad? If he's failing him so far, maybe it would be better just to let things be? I would want to RUN down to jail and ring his neck. But if he's facing further charges and possibly going away again, would that be WORSE for your son to see him now? I am starting to get the same things with my kids - wanting to see their dad a bit more. He sees them alot, but they're really starting to realize he's not here daily like he was before. I don't know - maybe if your ds saw his dad he would only be thrown crumbs?
Hope this makes sense, but I know how you feel. You're a good mama - go with your gut. Hugs to you and your ds for even having to ponder these thoughts.