I think mostly all of us can relate exactly to how you are feeling right now. I am only 12 days clean off of methadone right now and every day is a different struggle. My DOC was oxycontin and you know how I got hooked on it in the first place? It helped me become SuperWoman. I was planning my wedding and I would stay up all night making all the stuff I needed, then I would work full time and take care of my daughter and the house at night. I could do it all. My husband had no problem with it at first cuz it wasn't costing us any money(at first, my bro had a script) and he didn't have to do anything. I never thought I would come to DEPEND on those damn things just to live a "normal" life. Shortly after, I couldn't get out of bed unless I knew I had stuff on me to get motivated, couldn't make supper if I didn't have anything, I missed a very good friend from childhood's wedding because I could not get anything before I went. Basically I have missed out on at least the last 5 or 6 years of my life.... sad isn't it?
My biggest fear about sobriety was that same thought "What if I can not make myself be happy without some "help"? I can't tell anyone my fears because the only one who knows my problem are my husband (doesn't get the whole addict thing) and my brother (a full blown addict and will only bring me back down). But I had to try it because I did not like where my life was heading, I hated the person that I have turned into.
So, again today is day 12 for me, am I happy like I would be happy if I had an Oxy in front of me right now? No, but I am happy knowing that I don't have to feel guilty and I don't have to lie to everyone anymore. I know that in time my mind and body will regulate itself. Think about it, how long did use for? I used for over 10 years, so you know you will not be back to normal overnight, or even within a month or more maybe. Sobriety is a constant struggle and hard work, but look at the end result. What is the end result of using? Not worth it.