Godsgirl
I know it hurts, but if you can - just don't listen to it. My AH did this kind of thing to me for months during this last year. He never did this or that to cause the "hate in my eyes". Well - I'm sorry - really? And, it's not hate, it's doing my darndest to stay strong and not get spun, it was confusion, it was pity, it was all sorts of things - but it wasn't hate, in my eyes or in my words (written or spoken) - but that is beside the point...
In my situation, words like these from my AH was all about bringing me back to where I had been so many many times over the years - assuring HIM, comforting HIM, etc. Never mind about me or my hurts or issues. And, that way - whatever situation it was that came up to get us to that point was put on the back-burner and conveniently forgotten - he had gotten me effectively distracted and my focus back on making sure HE was OK and I was seeing and hearing what HE wanted me to. He was very good at convincing me his words were the truth - which made me insane (just like all of us).
Try not to get caught up in his words, he's using them to get to you.
That's just my opinion and my experience.
(((hugs)))