Two books by Craig Nakken, published by Hazelden:
"The Addictive Personality" [the description of stage 3 addiction might help you out]
"Reclaiming Your Family from Addiction" [describes the spiral of everyone and the recovery]
My feeling, Redd, is that you are so isolated....always the outcome of marriage to an addict.....that you have lost all of your power. She really is in control. Her addiction is very happy about that.
I hope the books offer some awareness. I'm sorry you are in such a dark place. Hope you break out soon.