SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Dire Situation

11-16-2008, 08:51 PM

# 9 (permalink)

dothi

Member

Join Date: Sep 2008

Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.

Posts: 402

Hey NOLAgirl. I definitely second Givelove's advice. There is nothing you can do to stop your mom's drinking. She is an adult and the only one responsible for her decisions - no matter what you do.

Guilt is a terrible effect that alcoholism has on the people who love the alcoholic. We've all felt this - that terrible persistent feeling that *IF* we would have tried harder, asked for less, did better at school, etc. IF we could have been better, maybe they wouldn't have drank so much. This is toxic guilt! - when you start believing that you are responsible for someone else's choices (and feelings). Many of us mistakingly learn this from a very young age. It's not right.

This doesn't mean that you have to sit idle, though. Although you can't effectively change your mom's choices, that doesn't mean you can't help yourself deal with this stressful situation. There's just no good reason for you to be so isolated, torturing yourself, over how you can't fix a problem that you have no control over. For starters, there are many books out there that tackle toxic guilt and coping as an ACoA. Debugging all the crap that gets put in our heads (growing up with an alcoholic) can take time, and happens in stages. The end result is a chance to feel confident in yourself, to know that your instincts are good, and to feel proud and successful. I know reading may not seem like it's doing much, but when you find the right stuff, it can be more validating and therapeutic than any session with a counsellor. Unfortunately for us it just doesn't come easy. But hang in there - you're not alone