Thankyou all for your experienced wisdom...this is the most difficult stuff, because you want to make sure the children aren't scarred for life over the addict, and everything has to be said and done with caution and wisdom w/ the children.
I know I can't sugar coat anything. The judge asked me not to say anything...do you know how hard that is? Family secrets, and lies. I know how that feels, I lived with many of those growing up, and won't carry on that tradition. I respect this judge, but maybe he thinks, as many do "what he don't know won't hurt him."
AH thinks I go around badmouthing him to everyone, and I don't. I speak the truth of how I feel about what he is doing. I speak the truth to friends and older family members. I don't think keeping it hidden is healthly, as AH would like me to do.
AH is a narcotic addict, he's also a cheater, and he's a liar. Is that badmouthing him or speaking the truth. Or should I just tell them he's sick too.
He's on percocet, and xanax again now, the percocet was bad enough, this is a bad, bad combo for him, but prescribed!!!. I have to hear his lies, his slurred and disconnected speech, and try to make son feel okay, when it's bothering me too.
I have badmouthed AH to his face in times of anger, over his addictions and adulteries. Son has probably over heard. This I regret. And I am trying very hard not to. The pain is still sometimes very raw, even when I think I've healed AH gives me something else to resent him for. This is a big struggle.
I want to make things as healthy as possible for our son during this time.
I'm thinking about counseling for son and I. I don't want to say anything the wrong way. I want to put everything across to son as best as possible. At times I need to pull him from a visit if dad looks high, or looks like he's abused drugs. I need to know what to say, instead of daddy's sick. When dad doesn't show up I need to know what to say. Otherwise he's going to grow with disappointments, anger, and frustration. I had to pull son from a visit last Saturday because of the way I was feeling, I was literally shaking, and couldn't stay one more minute around that man. All I knew to say to son was we have to go, and began to walk home.
NH7