Thanks for the supportive notes.
I find it easier to be there helping her (and now her bf) knowing that its taking the load off my parents, and my dad in particular. I think its a little easier for me to help because I can be a bit more removed than my parents, who have put up with sooooo much from her over the years.
Things have calmed down since a few days ago. He is looking for alcoholism treatment and has his court date in a few weeks and will live with his mom till then, and she is less afraid that her world just came to an end and will keep up with her therapy appointments. Fingers crossed that they both will realize that they have to focus on my dad and the baby as reasons for getting their own lives more in order.