Hello all,
I want to try to keep this short, but something tells me it won't be. So I apologize from the start.
First, to IO, I can't tell you how glad I am you found the strength and courage, no matter where you found it, to stick around and to grow so you now give so much help and strength to others.
Second, to JIT, I understand what you and your wife are going through--from both sides. I'm an alcoholic and I was drinking the whole time through my marriage, separation and divorce (10-12 years ago), as was my wife. I also was extremely suicidal after my wife went splitsville. While I'm not bi-polar, I was just seriously depressed, I know the despair that comes with suicidal thoughts and the effects they have on those around. I also can't tell you how glad I am that you are sober (man, if I had been sober during all that, I can't imagine...) AND that your wife has the courage and the moment of clarity to seek help. I truly wish peace for you both.
To be truthful, JIT, the one thing that tells me there is an eventual light at the end of your and your wife's tunnel is just a small comment you made. You said you were able to share a laugh together. Without laughter, hope is gone. I joined a support group for people going through my particular brand of separation/divorce and many of the most cathartic moments were when I just laughed at the absurdity of life (I mean that in a good way). Obviously your road is likely to be filled with bumps, but if you can always manage a laugh, even a small one, you can make it.
Now to the "deep" stuff. Many here tell of their experiences of prayer and how things are "destined" to be or to help them at a certain point in their lives. While I am not one to try to take away from that, especially if it helps someone "get through the night", just one more night over and over, I do feel that some input from the other side of the coin might help those who might not speak out otherwise.
I am a devout atheist. I have been since I was 15, well before I started drinking (Hello, my name is Michael, I'm a recovering Christian). I do not believe in fate, "signs" or pre-determinism. I'm very lucky I don't believe in signs. Three months before my wife left and I started into a huge depression, our best friends gave me a shot gun for hunting for a christmas present. If I was one for signs, I wouldn't be here today. Also, for whatever reason (and I am not trying to rag on religious people, my mother is religious) one thing that helped me in my depression in rural Virginia were the suicide help lines, and not for the reason they are intended. They were always answered by religious fundamentalists who had about as much rational cognitive ability as a rock--and I'm sorry if I insulted rocks or those who care about rocks. I would end up hanging up thinking, "well, I may be screwed up in my life right now, but at least I'm not as far off the reality meter as they are!"
My atheism is a big part of why AA is not for me, I can't read one page of the big book without feeling like I'm being talked to like a three year old. To me, it is extremely condescending. I don't believe in any higher power, because in the end, I am the one who is responsible for my own actions and recovery. There was no higher power who handed me a drink, so he/she/it is not responsible for me to stop. This is part of my path to recovery.
Again, I'm not trying to diminish anyone's experiences as we all have our own paths to follow. Part of my path has led me here to SR, and I am thankful to it and to all of you. You have often helped me sort out my thoughts and emotions and have helped me stay away from the booze. I also feel that hearing about experiences from multiple points of view can help us all, especially those who might be "lurking" as guests and haven't posted yet.
I hope this is taken in the spirit in which I wrote it. I wish all love and hope, peace and security.
Best to all,
BMUS