hi grumpy-
you will be fine!!
i am in the same general boat-20 year old son in college, 16 year old son at home, 51 year old AH who i've been with for 30 years.
did all the above--detox, rehab, hospital, etc.etc.ad nauseum.
finally, it is enough and i am done.
sounds like you are there too.
just keep your focus on the light- you will reach it, with your child at your side.
many hugs to you, and prayers coming your way!