Welcome to the forums Jayzee and thanks for sharing!! I am really sorry for everything that you are going through right now. Addiction is not easy no matter what but I know how hard it is to try and deal with it all alone. You made the right choice by joining this site!
Have you sat yourself down and had a good, long talk with yourself? I mean, have you even thought about what it is you want in your life? Do you love your wife at all, is any of that first love still there? If the answer is yes than there is alot of work you need to do fast before it is too late. If you have not already been to counseling both individually and as a couple that is my first recommendation. I also think you and your wife need to sit down and have an all out honest talk about how you are both feeling, what you expect from each other, and if you both want to work this out or walk away. If you love each other and are willing to work at it no matter how hard it gets than I believe you can succeed and be happy. The drug issue is a blanket over all of your personal problems as you said. It's easy to use that as a cover instead of dealing with the real issues. It hurts too much to deal with the real issues. But once you start dealing with those issues you can start fixing them and finding solutions. You will build your life back brick by brick. You've done it before and you will do it again. I hope you can hold onto some of the real you this time and conquer this before it really drags you back down. Keep sharing on this site. I know it seems weird at first but I was amazed at how much it is helping me. I also have no support from my husband and my family has no idea I am an addict so this site is kind of like my "soul searching release" because I can't talk about this stuff with my husband either. Anyway, my prayers are with you and I hope that you come to some conclusions and start to chip away at them. I think you will feel better once you have started healing some of the other aspects of your life. :ghug