jayzee

Hello everyone,

I have never tried to join an online forum for drug addiction before and am new to this. I am not new however to having a life that has been destroyed many times with drugs over many years.

I don't want to bore everyone with a long story as I know everyone has a long story of how they got where they are. I will briefly share as I cant seem to talk to anyone , including my wife and family about any of this.

I spent the first half of my life using Heroin and various other drugs. I also spent a good part of that time in jail and eventually prison due to crimes I committed to kee the drug habit going. I got released from prison approx. 6 years ago and was clean/sober until about a month ago.

I went from prison and living in shelters to biulding my life back , building a career, and making a really good income. I got ill with a lung infection called pleurisy and went to the ER one night with my wife.

They gave me a shot of dilaudid and that was ll it took for me to be off an running again with a script for vicodin in my hands.

I have been fighting the same addiction for the past month and am a mess. in addition I have had marriage issues, which were present before this relapse but of course now this is amplified. Every time I have fallen everyone around me has always jsut attributed any problems to the drugs. The only problem with that is I have had many problems that are there with or without the drugs.

Drugs seem to only be the surface issue as I have learned over the years. It will drag you down the sewer and destroy your life but jsut because you don't use does not mean that all issues go away.

My marriage has been on the rocks for years now and pretty much on the edge of divorce. We jsut don't get along anymore and are very different in many areas that we cant work through. The drugs have just taken any problems that I have and amplified then x10 as always. I am not sure what the heck I am going to do at this point.

I am still functioning and work as always. I know from experience though with heroin it is a matter of time until all the cards will fall apart no matter how far you have come. You would think that knowing all of this would keep you clean but apparently that is not always the case. I am struggling to get off this crap again and of course it is a nightmare as anyone who ever went through withdrawals knows. I can not even count how many times I have had to go through this and many of those times in prison where you just rot away and feel like you are going to die. The physical part is hard but , in my opinion, the mental part is much worse and lasts much longer.

I thought I knew it all and have discovered , once again, that I know nothing.

well I don't know what else to say at this point. thanks for letting me share on this forum as it is nice to express these feelings somewhere. AS I said I just cant even talk about this to my wife anymore. My wife by the way knows about al of this as I have told her the whole thing but not fo course without lying in the beginning ..


Anyway thanks
jayzee