genrs123

I dont talk to my ALO because this whole thing broke my heart, and i cant talk to him without alterior motives. I still want him to be in love with me, and feel what i feel. i still have some sick sense of hope, and lastly, it hurts that he just wants to be friends and i dont want that. or to deal with any crazy emotional rollercoasters. so i just dont talk to him at all.

I changed my phone, i emailed him a happy birthday message that was essentially one line, didnt respond to his response, and i leave when i see him out (which is somewhat frequently since we live in th same neighborhood. i responded to his request to do lunch with a polite "i wish i could but im just not there yet"- and didnt respond to his 2 responses. Even though i wanted to. even though i still want to.

it hurts, because he wanted to be friends, and ifeel like i am hurting him. the sad part is that i feel secure assuming that he still misses me a little bit, and eventually especially with his "anesthetic" help- he eventually will give up or stop having feelings for me, or miss me whereas i have NEVER gotten over him in the years weve been apart, and dont see it happening anytime soon.

i am interested in learning more about why he wants to be friends, why I want to be friends- and the power struggle of cocaine (or other drug) users in relationships.

but the truth is I know why i want to be friends. I feel like if we cut the communication lines off, it will be harder in the future to get back together and the INSANE part of me hopes that may happen one day.

Thanks for letting me share and listening.