Hi Sadending,
Though it's always good to get some stability between relationships, especially when you're coming out of one that was as abusive as yours, there is something to be said for friendships with people like your person there.
Do you feel like you're going to "fall" for this guy? Do you feel like that's the beat-all, end-all, driving thing behind this relationship - either it does or it doesn't happen, lots of stress, tension, fear, aaaaagggh?
That's obviously not an ideal situation. You DO need some time where relationships don't seem life-or-death. If he told you tomorrow that he didn't want to see you, that he'd changed his mind, would you still be okay? Or would you feel rejected and crushed? Listen to how your gut reacts to that question. It may give you a huge clue as to you whether it's healthy to proceed or not.
I started dating again several months after a bad, bad breakup. But I wasn't looking for love, protection, safety, or trust. I just wanted someone to do social things with, be 100% honest with (and he wouldn't get angry or pressure me), and enjoy an evening a week with.
I wasn't looking for someone to love. I was looking for someone to like, and who liked me.
If you can feel down deep in your stomach that you are already looking to this guy to solve all your problems, feel great stress at the thought of proceeding, and aren't yet capable of just having a relaxing friendship to explore whether you like being together........then you DO have a big red flag, unfortunately. It's your own.
Can't really say - but I hope you are able to find a way to at least be friends. Friendship, even if it doesn't last forever, can be hugely healing. And it sounds like this person truly cares what happens to you.
Hoping for the best -- trust your gut and try to follow your brain, not your heart.