I'm sorry you are going through all this. I am to except I am the x-wife of an alcoholic. He too is harming the kids, lying ,secretive, and abandoning them in favor of his need of the moment. 2 counselors have recommended a certain path with the kids. According to XAH both are nuts and wrong. Therefore he is justified, in his mind, in not seeing his kids. I cannot grasp this.
Have you checked with a lawyer? I ask because the parenting (custody) issues need to be well thought out and a lawyer can advise in this area.