Originally Posted by
HideorSeek 
....For several years, I lied to him about my drinking (I said I was tired, had taken Benadryl or whatever excuse I could think of). It was sort of unspoken that I was lying, but to actually admit the truth out loud would have forced a confrontation that I think neither of us wanted to start. Now that I am trying to be honest and wipe the slate clean, I am wondering whether I should say "remember all those times when I SAID...".
I know that this is your thread and I apologize for asking for help for a problem of mine, but what do you think I should do? Bring it up or leave it alone? I'm scared of the unknown and worried about his reaction. Now that we are moving forward, I really don't want to rock the boat. Yet, I want to be honest....
HideorSeek,
I would definitely speak it out loud. I wouldn't be able to carry around that feeling. And your marriage would most likely grow from confronting the unspoken... That's my opinion.
And you give me thoughts about the situation between my husband and me -
Tennis asked if we were in marriage therapy - the answer is yes.
(And she does confront him, very gently, on the idea that he has some responsibility for the healing also. Although I
don't think he hears her at all. The fact that he was so surprised that he was expected to do anything to help build trust made it really clear to me that he is missing that important concept.)
HideorSeek - you make me realize that there is an enormous unspoken issue between my husband and myself. He denies that he had any knowledge that I was drinking when I was lying to him about it. I told him it was my bipolar meds or symptoms or I was tired, etc.
But in truth, I don't know how he couldn't have known. I was so sloppy out of control drunk. All the time.I bet one of the reasons he's mad at me is that he's mad at himself. And one reason he doesn't want to try to move forward emotionally is that he'd have to confront that. Hmmm.... might have to bring that up.
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.