Amy - I have followed your story while lurking. I'm so sorry for all that you have had to go through over and above addiction. You though, should commend yourself for overcoming such adversity. I admire you.
I agree entirely with you. He's going to do what he's going to do. I need to work on a game plan for me. I need some coping mechanisms other than sending myself into an anxiety attack every time my gut tells me he's been using again.
I am also a recovery addict. I feel it both helps and hurts me when it comes to dealing with him. It helps because I understand addiction, but it also hurts. It hurts because I cannot get my head around why I can get clean and he can't. My rational mind gets it, my irrational mind doesn't.
Here's an update from yesterday...I speak with him after my last post and he's A-OK! I swear soemtimes I feel I am the crazy one. He understands what he did and he's sorry and he's mad at himself but he feels better now. He kills me because as I said previously this is how the cycle goes. He's party for awhile, get depressed, go clean for a few months then the vicious cycle starts over. Has anyone else dealt with someone like this? If so, I would really appreciate your input.