I think I might have had what could be called an epiphany today.
I've been very resistant to referring to this place as "my home". Most of the residents do, especially the ones who have been here a long time...and, it makes me cringe when I hear it. Someone will be asked, "Where are you going?" The response will be, "I'm going home"...meaning their room. I always say, "I'm going back to my room."
And, it suddenly hit me today! It made me think of admitting I was an alcoholic...and, once I said the words, there was no turning back...it was a done deal. It's as though, once I attach the word "home" to this place...that will be it...no turning back.
I may be deluding myself; but, I guess I'm not willing to give up hope that I may actually leave here someday, and have a little place I can once again call "home"...for real. Maybe I have to start buying lottery tickets.