Thank you all so much for your warm responses. It's comforting to know I still have someplace I can seek solace.
You are completely correct in my not founding a support system for him. I need to learn to be more hands off. That's the biggest part of the problem. He has grown accustomed to people picking him up when he fell. He needs to see that there isn't anyone there to do that any longer.
Wow, it didn't hit me until you all pointed it out regarding his "reason" for using. It's another crutch for the victim. You're so right.
It's strange to say but for the first time I'm not heartbroken. I'm not devastated, I'm angry. I'm bitter. I just don't understand.
RAHSue - I love that quote, I'm going to make it my mantra.
I have already looked up meetings and I'm going to sit down with a counselor for myself as well.
And so it begins again. It's pathetic that I sit at my desk right now already in a tizzy about what I'm going to come home to. He isn't mean when he's down, he's kinda just there. I don't know how to explain it. He doesn't say much and kinda just mopes. Sometimes I wish he would just yell. Just so I know he still feels anything.
What's so difficult about him is the up and down. He'll go months without touching it and then delve right back in and we'll have a week or two of hell then he's A-OK again. I hate it, as soon as I think things are getting better God throws me another curveball.