My 20 year old AD still lives with me. This morning I was pondering whether she is truly an alcoholic who dabbles with binge drinking, or a flaming codependent. In either case, my reaction is still the same-to detach with love.
Last night she was home for a change, watching tv with a cat in her lap, I was on the computer doing school work. I walked in the living room, came up behind her and put my arms around her and asked her if I had told her how much I loved her, and how proud I was of her lately?
At 20 years old, I was married, with a toddler, scared to death, and in general, a neurotic mess.
At 20, her older AS was married, with a 3 year old, and a complete mess.
She's had the same job for years now. She has established good credit, and when the insurance company totaled out her car she wrecked, the bank gave her a 36 month loan on her new car this time instead of 24.
She loves her horse
so much, and bought him as a 4 year old gawky gangly gelding, not broken.
She has worked tirelessly with him and it is a joy to watch her riding. She is a natural in the saddle.
She had to find a new place for him to go when things fell apart at the farm, and she did, and walked him that mile into town that day in the cold rain/wind.
She pays her bills. She decided the turbo kit that came with her new car wasn't a necessity, but was better served to sell so she can buy a new saddle and other tack for her horse.
This is all through
nothing that I have done except to detach with love.
She is addicted to drama, and continues to choose friends who bring plenty of it to the table.
I say nothing and allow her to make her own choices.
She got all fired up about going to cosmetology school a couple of months ago and asked me to take a tour of the school with her, which I did.
I told her she could do anything she set her mind to.
She petered out on that once again, and I say nothing, and allow her to make her own choices.
She'll eventually get sick of her job again at some point and get fired up about continuing her education.
I see some maturity in that beautiful young woman now that never would have occurred had I nagged, browbeat, begged, pleaded, and tried to mold her to what I want.
All I know is when I do detach with love and let God do his work, things are so much better in my life, and hers too.