One of the most powerful tools I have found in getting through extreme pain is not to look back or to live in "whatifs" but to live in the moment. For example...Just for today I will not pick up when he calls; just for this moment I will not think about him but will focus on me. Just for this quiet half hour, i will be gentle to myself and do something I like. Those moments, those hours, those days start adding up and before I know it I have journeyed through the worst of the pain and to someplace better. Hugs, I'm sorry you are hurting.