Apathy808,
You are
By - no - means
alone.
Your mother's drinking and behavior was beyond your control. And your father's attitude is also not your fault. You do have control over yourself.
You have posted here. You have reached out for help. It means you really want to change. That is a big step. REALLY BIG.
Another recommended reading is the 12-steps of Al-anon. Though the steps were first intended for alcoholics, they apply very very well to those who grew up with addiction. The first few steps emphasize how alcoholism's effects on you, as a child of an alcoholic, have gone out of your control and only a HP (as you define it) can bring progress. And talking, posting, going to meetings also bring progress. In fact, many non-religious people in Al-anon see their fellows (online, in meetings, as a worldwide community) as their HP.
So post, read, go to a meeting.
I had an alcoholic mother and father. My mother died when I was 18 in a car accident that likely occurred after she blacked out from alcohol-related health problems. I nearly flunked out of college in the next year as it all
just-didn't-seem-to-matter anymore.
I did not outwardly grieve or think lots of sad thoughts about my mother, but the death just sank in and deadened me. I really wish I had gone for counseling, which was free for students.
You can make progress and it seems you want to. You made it here.
As for motivation, I always like the idea that the thing you want to do in life, or maybe just this month, is not an overarching need or desire (like tv, video games, more money, that job promotion, a boy/girl friend) but some interest that whispers persistently in the background. For me is is being a nature advocate, a tree hugger, enviro-extremist, whatever. As a little kid, I remember watching anti-nuclear plant protests on TV and thinking 'that's great' as my dad made disparaging remarks about 'stupid hippies'.
So welcome, apathy808. And keep posting.