It is a grieving process, and grieving is hard. But, you're doing it.
If you lost him to death, you would grieve, but you would have space to grieve your feelings without his input and churning up of your emotions. By taking his calls, he is not letting you go thru your process the way you need to.
I understand feeling ugly and alone. My AH looked at porn - a lot - but he wouldn't even look at me. But, I finally got it one day. I'm just as pretty as anyone else. Sometimes I'm prettier, and sometimes I'm not. But, what I know is, I am not ugly - inside or out. It gave me such a sense of peace when I finally got this thru my head and accepted it.
A lot of wise words above. There are and will be lots of other doors (and windows) opening, and you can choose which ones you want to step thru. Keep going, keep feeling, you will get there. You are so worth the work it will take. In the end, when you make it thru to the other side, you will be able to look back and feel a sense of accomplishment and see all the blessings that have come to you already on this journey. Your journey won't end, but the grieving will.
Try to turn off the phone at night!
Hugs to you!